medicinal to do list

things i want to write about:

the way the body remembers and forgets thing, the interplay between sensation and memory and surreality, the emotional attachment to physical habits

like when i drop the tension out of the front of my ribcage i sometimes feel like crying.

and how when i look at a bike i can feel what it's like to ride one. (you too?)

and the way the pit of my stomach was tight for a month, and i didn't know what it meant i was feeling.

i think that sometimes still, sometimes still, sometimes still, i react to the remaining ghosts of sensations that are in my body. very little to do with the present.

that time they were gone for a month and no one knew if both would come back. and i didn't really feel known by anyone i was staying with, and i couldn't admit that things were really really bad.

i got sick.

everyone said i dealt really well.

my stomach was tight and empty for a month. i know that's how some things started.