nottin doin

I can't get anything done lately.

I did... the dishes, and ate some chocolate. I also cooked some tofu and made rice in the rice cooker, managed a hot and cold shower, and I think I made my bed this morning. (Yes, I did.) I sent eleven emails and made three phone calls, but the one I didn't make is on my mind.

I took a ballet class and an itty bitty bit of a pointe class. I remembered why I love the power that comes from the strength it takes to be delicate.

I rode my bike.

I sat on my futon.

I promised to always talk about big deals.

Today

Today, I biked the width of the San Francisco peninsula. I saw water at both ends, and I got fantastic sunburn. In about three days it will turn into some fantastic tan lines, indicative of the tee-shirt I wore today.

Today, I met with a long lost friend from my hometown. She's been living in San Francisco and miserably practicing law for five years. About a year ago, she told me she hated her job and her only joy in life was knitting. Today she told me that a week and a half ago, she gave two weeks notice at her law firm and, in about three days, will be starting her own interior design company with a friend and working for DivineCaroline.com.

Today, I missed about four phone calls.

And I wrote a blog.

Yesterday I talked on a web cam for quite a while.

c'est ca

The morning after the party,
I woke up when she left the apartment.
I made myself eggs and coffee.
I picked up my dress from the floor and hung it up.
I showered;
I brushed my teeth.
I called my parents and told them
I wasn't coming home until August.
"I'll miss you," said my mother.
"The weather's better in August," said my father,
"and more vegetable will be ripe."

untimely

I am frustrated by things outside of my control. The scheduling of things, the intentions of others, the amount of seconds in an hour.

This area of the city smells like urine and cigarettes. The women I see are either too skinny and frantic or too fat and lethargic. I don't understand how these people survive, considering that, while I am apparently much better off than they, I am amazed that I survive at all.

Walgreens is an incredibly stupid store. "Walgreens exploits everything," said a piece of graffiti art I saw recently. "Walgreens is dumb. They sell all this pointless crap - even their groceries aren't real groceries," I said a while back. "But real groceries by whose standards?" he said. "Mine, of course," I said. I spent $5.19 at Walgreens today, on credit. Then I went and worked about long enough to pay it off.

Maybe my inability to see past my own standards leaves me frustrated. I remember a time when I optimistically understood everything - lateness, bad moods, poor performance, lack of will, it was all understood with a relentless compassion. Perhaps, with this wide swath of forgiveness, I was hoping someone would offer me the same.

What, may I ask, am I writing about?

I wish the bus would have come on time tonight, so that I wouldn't have let her down.

I'd kind of like to get drunk off that left-over bottle of champagne on the counter, but drinking a bottle of champagne that has sat around since New Years by yourself just seems more pathetic than it would be worth.

So, you know, I'm writing a blog instead.

urban living

So.

I am sitting in my "home office," listening to the sounds of my roommate's TV and sloppy lovemaking, and remembering what my friend said the other day, "Families are supposed to live together. Lovers are supposed to live together. Complete strangers are not supposed to live together! It's just this weird urban thing!!"

So it is.

It's raining today, which means I may not opt to ride my bike. :( I didn't ride yesterday because my body was exhausted from riding for about 2 weeks, so I was jazzed to get to ride today after a day of rest. I already feel a lot stronger, and I'm convinced riding a bike is one of the best decisions I ever made.

Hmm.

I don't have any pressing work to do, and yet I'm so used to working whenever I'm not dancing or buying groceries or doing physical therapy that I feel like I MUST sit down in front of the computer.

And write a blog, I guess.

I may be writing a dance article soon this summer and have been asked to submit ideas. ACK! First journalistic experience EVER, and not only am I writing, I'm also coming up with the idea? Welcome to the dance world. There aren't enough good people to spread the work around. Thus, journalism major newbie is possibly getting an assignment far out of her experience.

How exciting.

If I hadn't spent so much money recently on this exercise ball I'm sitting on and a present for my father, I would go to a cafe and get away from the sounds coming from the room next door.

BAH! Urban living for the poor artist, who is not starving because she just made herself french toast.

Mmm.

bicycle, bicycle, bicycle.

I rode my bike to and FROM work today. From was more of an accomplishment, considering the fact that it is: a] uphill, and b] at 11:00 at night. But, after getting to work and feeling utterly unnecessary for the amount of business we had, giving two weeks notice and having my boss basically say, "yeah, that's fine. It'll be easy to take you off the schedule, you're not really working here anyway," and then being dyslexic and closing the cash drawer almost $20 short, I needed some release. Biking uphill at night through San Francisco was a good one.
I am on the verge of becoming the spokeswoman for using your bicycle as transportation. I have more energy, sleep better, have more time... it's fabulous. Ride a bike. It will change your life!
I also have more energy at 12:46 pm, which is maybe not the best situation. Oh well. I'm not a necessary part of work anyway... it'll be ok if I'm not all there tomorrow.
SERIOUSLY. I don't like the feeling of being totally dispensable. At least, with my other two jobs, I know there's a reason I'm valuable to those employers. And I'm more passionate about the subject AND there's more room for me to make the job what I want it to be. So, basically, they're great, they're perfect, and now they've grown into positions that can pay my way and I can quit the coffee shop.
I agonized over how I was going to do it, told myself I had to speak to my boss in person and do it today, and then finally when I told him, it seemed to be no big deal. And it's not. There are lots of cute girls out there who will make lattes and be nice to the customers. So, that's good. They can have my job.
Is it dumb to feel loyalty to something that I knew would always be temporary? It's turned out to be a shorter position that I imagined- I thought I would be at the coffee shop for at least a year. It's been a little over 6 months, and work I've wanted has just fallen into my lap. I still feel bad about quiting. Even though it's no big deal.
I am rambling, big time.
Zzzzz.

5 things

My pilates instructor says that by September I'll be a Super Dancer. Sounds great, sounds past due, sounds like something that, if I don't actually work on, won't happen (ever).

I've thought of five things that I think would help me -

1. Get up earlier, consistently
2. Ride my bike
3. Journal
4. Eat like an athlete
5. Night-time mini workouts

I also made a diagram and list of ways these things help and ways the reinforce each other. I'd explain it, but I need to go roll out my I-T band, do some ab work, and get to bed so I can work on goal #1 tomorrow.

Night, you. I know you're my only reader.