Of the 12 candidates for mayor, my favorites are:
(original punctuation and capitalization kept. ellipses inserted for omissions)
Grasshopper Alec Kaplan: Vegan Taxicab Driver
"Restore festival, carnival atmosphere; musicians, Artists, fun love. Remember to smile, laugh, celebrate our wonderful existence... Legalize everything. Legalize prostitution... Make everyone happy. No problems, only solutions."
Harold M. Hoogasian: Florist/Coffee Farmer
"The Four Way Test:
First, Is It The TRUTH?
Second, Is It FAIR to ALL SAN FRANCISCANS?
Third, Will It Build GOODWILL and BETTER FRIENDSHIPS?
Fourth, Will It Be BENEFICIAL to SAN FRANCISCO?"
John Rinaldi: Showman
"Hi, my name is Chicken John and I'm running for Mayor... What are my qualifications?... I converted my truck to run on coffee grounds with zero emissions."
Michael Powers: Nightclub Owner
"My creation of the Power Exchange adult sexual liberation experience shows my capacity to embrace every kind of alternative lifestyle and manage multiple environments housed in one totally law-abiding and successful business... I cannot be bought, nor influenced at any price, and will lead by example."
George Davis: Writer/Nudist Activist
"This is a One Issue campaign which is to Make Golden Gate Park Clothing Optional like the major urban parks in Europe. For other policy issues, a well known City Manager will be appointed. Thoughts for today: 1. You are free to be nude!!!"
George Davis is actually my top favorite because he volunteered to usher at Dandelion Dancetheater's latest performance of DROP. He was a very nice and quiet guy, who complied with our request to wear something out of character by wearing pants, a button-up shirt, and an apron with the image of Michelangelo's David. Other than the button pinned to his apron, he didn't mention his candidacy and he folded all the programs quite nicely. Go George. Good luck with your campaign.