Thursday, March 26, 2009

Going Nowhere

There are some things out of my daily routine that I'm currently enjoying:
a) my current oatmeal combination: oatmeal, raisins, coconut, cinnamon, and soy milk
b) how SUNNY it is when i bike from dance to CELLspace
c) seeing the shards of sunset over the ocean when I bike home
d) Thai soup in a can. I can buy it at the grocery store up the street.

Right now I'm listening to Beatles music on Youtube, and remembering when it was the only music I ever listened to. I suppose it's not a bad place to start...

The next time I have class with Alex Ketley, which I suppose will be Sunday, my goal is to not giggle once the whole time. To take my art seriously! I do believe it is possible to laugh and be completely serious, to laugh and be completely crushed, to laugh and to feel complete totality and complexity. But I think I've been giggling too much.

I am, by the way, feeling extremely silly. Like a 15-year old. Or a six-year old in a candy store.

And I don't know why I wrote this blog.

Monday, March 16, 2009

I'd like to tell you absolutely nothing

Tonight, I traveled to the East Bay, rolled sushi, drank sake, and discovered three amazing things:
1. eel
2. plum wine
3. an engineering ballroom dancing sect of society

Yesterday, I dealt with the topics of my previous blog while drinking beer and eating pizza. Then Dana came over and we split a bottle of wine and talked about life until 2am. There are SO many topics you can instantly cover with someone you lived with for three years. And whether it was the pizza, beer, wine, or good conversation, my persistent bad mood that had spanned the past two days went away.

I wonder, am I beginning to sound a little alcoholic? I have been drinking more than I used to. But I also am older than I used to be, and I'm not drinking excessively. So in closing, I'd like to give whatever readers there may be a couple of quotes from my dad:

1. "I like beer." (said in relation to why he was going to continue to drink as much beer as he wanted while dieting)
2. "Wine isn't drinking, wine is eating." (said while drinking scotch)

Friday, March 13, 2009


I've gotten through my to-do list this morning! Wow!

Well, not all the way through. I still have left:
10) taxes
11) health insurance

NO. I don't wanna deal.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

medicinal to do list

things i want to write about:

the way the body remembers and forgets thing, the interplay between sensation and memory and surreality, the emotional attachment to physical habits

like when i drop the tension out of the front of my ribcage i sometimes feel like crying.

and how when i look at a bike i can feel what it's like to ride one. (you too?)

and the way the pit of my stomach was tight for a month, and i didn't know what it meant i was feeling.

i think that sometimes still, sometimes still, sometimes still, i react to the remaining ghosts of sensations that are in my body. very little to do with the present.

that time they were gone for a month and no one knew if both would come back. and i didn't really feel known by anyone i was staying with, and i couldn't admit that things were really really bad.

i got sick.

everyone said i dealt really well.

my stomach was tight and empty for a month. i know that's how some things started.

Monday, March 9, 2009

perks of the position

This time of year, I do a lot of database entry with my job. The SF Conservatory of Dance is conducting auditions for our summer program, and in addition to attending most of them and assisting in evaluating students, I also get to type ALL the data from their registration forms into a giant database.

It's tedious and boring, but there are perks. Such as the address that included this street:

Suburbia Ave.

No kidding. Why would anyone want to live there.

In contrast, my good old friend, the one who introduced me to goddess cards, is now living on Smiley Street. I think things will go well for her.

Sunday, March 8, 2009

i've been asking too many questions

These things would improve my life:

1. A really sensitive smoke detector with a pager.
2. A never-ending bin of coffee beans.
3. Some better pillows.
4. More purple pants.

That's about it, I think. Or I'm too tired to think of more. What a weekend! I'm twitterpated!

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

in a little while

I heard a phrase or two on the train, some things that entered my brain like marshmallows. Then later they came out like the ones that are in lucky charms, less meaningful. In a hard sort of chalky way.

I listened to that voicemail again, the one you guys left on my birthday. I mean, you're ridiculously cute, and so I have to listen to it every once in awhile. Last year, it helped me through fights with my boyfriend, when he'd leave five angry and stressed out and whiny voicemails, then after hearing all those I'd listen to that ridiculously cute one from you. It helped a lot. This year's voicemail just makes my day better. Today, I ate Mexican food with a good friend - an old friend - then I listened to your voicemail! What could get better?

I'm not sure what else to blog about tonight, except perhaps that my good friend - my old friend - introduced me to goddess cards tonight, and they told me that wine is my true love, my relationship with wine is blossoming, and I should trust my instincts about drinking wine. Why, oh why, was this not the answer to the question before that, which had more to do with a crush? I think that perhaps the goddesses got confused?