things i want to write about:
the way the body remembers and forgets thing, the interplay between sensation and memory and surreality, the emotional attachment to physical habits
like when i drop the tension out of the front of my ribcage i sometimes feel like crying.
and how when i look at a bike i can feel what it's like to ride one. (you too?)
and the way the pit of my stomach was tight for a month, and i didn't know what it meant i was feeling.
i think that sometimes still, sometimes still, sometimes still, i react to the remaining ghosts of sensations that are in my body. very little to do with the present.
that time they were gone for a month and no one knew if both would come back. and i didn't really feel known by anyone i was staying with, and i couldn't admit that things were really really bad.
i got sick.
everyone said i dealt really well.
my stomach was tight and empty for a month. i know that's how some things started.